I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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