Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
