Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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