i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
