Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize