i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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