just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
