My sheets look like a crime scene.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
People in love make me want to vomit
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
