I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
