we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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