Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
