Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
