Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
