not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
