I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
