I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
