So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
