just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
