there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
