My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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