I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
