the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
there is glitter all over my balls
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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