i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
