cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
