He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
