I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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