spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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