My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize