STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
