he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
