that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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