none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
