dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize