Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
