Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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