I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
