This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
