She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
