In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
