I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
