I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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