Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
