Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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