You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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