i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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