how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
