God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
