I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
