I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
