I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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