Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
