we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
