I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
