Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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