I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
