fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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