Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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