i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
