there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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