I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
