I'm passing your future prison.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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