Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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