Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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