I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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