gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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