im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
