I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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