I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
