We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
