No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
