I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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