I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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