Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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