Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize