That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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