I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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