Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
