Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
