You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
