If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
