I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My life is pants optional.
Randomize