I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
