Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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